I honestly missed you and missed writing for you.
Since the Lunar Eclipse means the moon is shadowed by the earth's shadow I decided to call this chapter just that.
Yes they are some minor connections as #JaNiko experience their sorrows separately on the same night.
Anyways let's jump straight in it.
Enjoy!
Chapter 14: Shadow
The big old tree was swaying in the strong wind like a weightless kite. I kept watching it from the big window.
The shadow of that tree fell into Eve's guest bedroom, adding a spooky effect into my night.
Suddenly, I started shivering. I pulled up the blanket up to my ears.
There is this permanent coldness within me that I couldn't shake off since that night. The night I left the house, five days ago.
I initially planned to spend the night at Murat's house, but I changed my mind last minute.
"BAAAAAAAAAM"
"AAAAHHHHH" I let out a petrified shriek and covered my head with covers.
When I peaked above the covers, I saw the window open. It sprang wide open from the strong wind.
I got off the bed and went to close the window. And very much like that window, I was closing everyone out.
*
I got out of bed at sunrise, giving up for rest wasn't destined to be a part of my night.
It was the day of the trial, but I was drained in all forms physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I sat by edge of Eve's bathtub as I waited for the water to warm up.
I need to prepare myself well for today.
I finally dipped my body slowly into the warm water.
I leaned my head back then imeresed my entire body under the water, my head included.
Under that clear surface, I felt some peace as I let go. As I let out a suffocated cry.
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I pulled myself from under the water gasping for air.
I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I leaned my forehead against my arm.
I started to breathe loudly.
I was still for the longest time.
Then a hunch caught me.
Today will be a very very long day.
*
"Din-Dong" the bell sounded.
"Just a minute Murat" I said clipping on my earnings in front of the mirror.
We agreed to meet for the trial, but at his place.
Weird!
I straightened my navy dress before walking away from the long mirror in the hallway.
I walked to the door grunting at the peach colored heels I am wearing. They aren't comfortable at all, but they look cute.
I opened the door and to my utter shook it was my father with my niece, Toska.
"Baba!!!" I exclaimed then went on to hug him.
After that I leaned down to the princess model next to him to kiss her.
"She wanted to see you." My father announced. I looked up at him. "*Ama neden?!" I said raising an eyebrow at her.
"*Cünkü, I want to cheer you on. You are a good person helping to this poor woman."
I laughed at her innocent thought then replied with "Not entirely, but okay."
She then placed a hand on my cheek and said "I like your make up but I am more beautiful than you will ever be."
"*PES! PES! I give up!!!' I exclaimed 'Even on my day you want the spotlight on you?! Ama *tamam take it all, I don't care."
"Ama I am a nice girl. I brought you my favorite Frozen pin." She said with a grin holding out a blue iceflake pin to me.
I smiled at the pin in her hand then back up at her. I gave her a tight hug.
She is the proudest model but she knows the way to my heart.
"You are suffocating me." She said as I held her.
"*Kizim are you okay?!" My father asked in a worried tone.
"*Evet! Baba I am okay." I said as I let go of Toska then looked up smiling at my father.
"Where do you want me to put it?!" I asked her.
She pointed to my left side and I did as she said.
"We thought we might grab breakfast with you." My father said happily.
"Oh no! I wish, but I have to meet Murat in a bit." I half lied.
"Tamam may be later, then?!" He asked.
"Evet why not?! Ama I have to run now Baba. *Küçük hanım I will be wearing this pin to court tamam." I said winking at her.
"Teyzem"
"*Efendim teyzemin *askim." I responded back.
"You have to win today, tamam.' I nodded as she went on 'I gave you my pin, make Elsa and seni Toska proud. Tamam"
"*Tabiki! I will win. I promise"
I collected my things as my father and Toska waited on me.
"Dede why is Teyzem staying in here?! Why not back in your house?!" I overheard Toska ask my dad as I went to grab my sneakers from the bedroom. I can't do heels for an entire day, especially these.
The shadow of that tree fell into Eve's guest bedroom, adding a spooky effect into my night.
Suddenly, I started shivering. I pulled up the blanket up to my ears.
There is this permanent coldness within me that I couldn't shake off since that night. The night I left the house, five days ago.
I initially planned to spend the night at Murat's house, but I changed my mind last minute.
"BAAAAAAAAAM"
"AAAAHHHHH" I let out a petrified shriek and covered my head with covers.
When I peaked above the covers, I saw the window open. It sprang wide open from the strong wind.
I got off the bed and went to close the window. And very much like that window, I was closing everyone out.
*
I got out of bed at sunrise, giving up for rest wasn't destined to be a part of my night.
It was the day of the trial, but I was drained in all forms physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I sat by edge of Eve's bathtub as I waited for the water to warm up.
I need to prepare myself well for today.
I finally dipped my body slowly into the warm water.
I leaned my head back then imeresed my entire body under the water, my head included.
Under that clear surface, I felt some peace as I let go. As I let out a suffocated cry.
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I pulled myself from under the water gasping for air.
I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I leaned my forehead against my arm.
I started to breathe loudly.
I was still for the longest time.
Then a hunch caught me.
Today will be a very very long day.
*
"Din-Dong" the bell sounded.
"Just a minute Murat" I said clipping on my earnings in front of the mirror.
We agreed to meet for the trial, but at his place.
Weird!
I straightened my navy dress before walking away from the long mirror in the hallway.
I walked to the door grunting at the peach colored heels I am wearing. They aren't comfortable at all, but they look cute.
I opened the door and to my utter shook it was my father with my niece, Toska.
"Baba!!!" I exclaimed then went on to hug him.
After that I leaned down to the princess model next to him to kiss her.
"She wanted to see you." My father announced. I looked up at him. "*Ama neden?!" I said raising an eyebrow at her.
"*Cünkü, I want to cheer you on. You are a good person helping to this poor woman."
I laughed at her innocent thought then replied with "Not entirely, but okay."
She then placed a hand on my cheek and said "I like your make up but I am more beautiful than you will ever be."
"*PES! PES! I give up!!!' I exclaimed 'Even on my day you want the spotlight on you?! Ama *tamam take it all, I don't care."
"Ama I am a nice girl. I brought you my favorite Frozen pin." She said with a grin holding out a blue iceflake pin to me.
I smiled at the pin in her hand then back up at her. I gave her a tight hug.
She is the proudest model but she knows the way to my heart.
"You are suffocating me." She said as I held her.
"*Kizim are you okay?!" My father asked in a worried tone.
"*Evet! Baba I am okay." I said as I let go of Toska then looked up smiling at my father.
"Where do you want me to put it?!" I asked her.
She pointed to my left side and I did as she said.
"We thought we might grab breakfast with you." My father said happily.
"Oh no! I wish, but I have to meet Murat in a bit." I half lied.
"Tamam may be later, then?!" He asked.
"Evet why not?! Ama I have to run now Baba. *Küçük hanım I will be wearing this pin to court tamam." I said winking at her.
"Teyzem"
"*Efendim teyzemin *askim." I responded back.
"You have to win today, tamam.' I nodded as she went on 'I gave you my pin, make Elsa and seni Toska proud. Tamam"
"*Tabiki! I will win. I promise"
I collected my things as my father and Toska waited on me.
"Dede why is Teyzem staying in here?! Why not back in your house?!" I overheard Toska ask my dad as I went to grab my sneakers from the bedroom. I can't do heels for an entire day, especially these.
I stood around the corner listening to their conversation.
"She is only staying here for a little while. Don't mention it in front of her. Tamam." My dad requested.
"I won't. My lips are sealed." She whispered back to my father.
We headed down and they waited by me till my taxi came.
"Don't forget your promise to Elsa and I. You will win today." Toska reminded me as I took a seat in the taxi.
They kept waving at me. I kept watching them till they disappeared when the taxi took an exit to the right.
*
I sat on my stairs by the beach. My cheek was leaning on my hand as I sat there in peace.
The beach was deserted, it was still quite early, it was only 7:40 AM.
My trial is at 10 and I am meeting Murat at 8:50.
So I still had some time.
I needed to clear my head, I needed quite and peace. In that moment I just wanted to put forever.
Never say a word again.
For every word fails in expressing how I felt. I am feeling too much that I dont know were to start.
That's why I escaped that breakfast with my father and Toska, I don't feel like talking at all.
I closed my eyes as the wind blew besides me tickling my ears.
A little bit more Janu, just a little bit more.
I am relieved that this trial is today. That this case ends today.
I took a deep breath as I raised my head towards the sky. It is quite cloudy, as if the skies were wearing my mood for the day. This is the most dreadful kind of weather to me.
But today it matches perfectly how I feel.
Depressed and overwhelmed.
*Allahum give me the strength. Don't let my wrong doing with mom cloud me up. Please guide me in this storm, for I am weak and scared. For you are the one who I gain my strength from.
I softly closed my eyes as I took in the beauty around me.
The silent ocean, the wind, and seagulls above.
*
It is 8:50 now, I just got off the taxi near Murat's house.
I had no energy in me to meet anyone. Really.
So I made the taxi drop me a block away.
I am already regretting this.
Ouuch, my feet are killing me.
Ouch
Ouch
Ouch
Ouch
Oufff ya
Damn these heels
I am regretting this
Kill me now
I am starting to sweat.
Ouch
Oufff ouuuffff OUUUUUFFFFF
I hope my body odor won't be detectable.
OUUUUFFFFF OUUUUUFFF OUUUUFFFF
DAMN YOU JANU AND YOUR CRAZY THOUGHTS
Why can't I wear sneakers to everywhere I go?!!!
Can't I just go back to my beach and escape the world
Ouch
Ahahahaha
I want to breakdown crying.
*Kendine gel! You have an arrogant curled squirrel to beat in court.
YOU HAVE TO WIN *DELI KIZ!
Why can't women wear comfortable shoes instead of the pointy shoes from hell, highheels?!!!!
Ouucchh
Damn these heels.
That's was my entire walk till I reached the corner around Murat's house.
I looked down at my watch it is 9:10 now.
Yeah that's how far I made the taxi me drop me off.
But at least I will guarantee, I won't need to talk to anyone.
But.
Too late.
When I took the last corner to his house, I saw the small family waiting for me by Murat's car.
Great!
Nuriyah was holding Melek as Murat played with her.
I walked up to them and exchanged goodmornings. When Melek saw me she opened her arms and said "*Gel."
Honestly kids need to stop this, I am barely keeping my chin up.
I leaned in towards Melek as she wrapped her little arms around me and gave me a soggy kiss.
Ouuufffff I can't deal with others today, especially kids. I don't have the emotional capacity for human interactions today.
"Melek hadi kizim let go of Janu teyzem so she can go to court." Nuriyah asked her daughter.
"*Hayir. Play time." She said back with a pout.
"Tamam Melegcim.' I cut in ' I will come later and play with you, *söz."
"Hadi give her another kiss and wish her best of luck." Nuriyah asked the little doll.
"Tamam." And she did as she said.
Yup I got another soggy kiss.
We finally got in the car as Nuriyah wished me good luck.
Murat started the car and then we drove off. On the journey we discussed some final details of the trial.
After some time we fell into silence.
I pulled one of the two files out from my suitcase. I opened the file. It had all the ladies Ali Bey slept with. Two of them refused to testify today in court. So my hope lays on the last lady left.
"She is only staying here for a little while. Don't mention it in front of her. Tamam." My dad requested.
"I won't. My lips are sealed." She whispered back to my father.
We headed down and they waited by me till my taxi came.
"Don't forget your promise to Elsa and I. You will win today." Toska reminded me as I took a seat in the taxi.
They kept waving at me. I kept watching them till they disappeared when the taxi took an exit to the right.
*
I sat on my stairs by the beach. My cheek was leaning on my hand as I sat there in peace.
The beach was deserted, it was still quite early, it was only 7:40 AM.
My trial is at 10 and I am meeting Murat at 8:50.
So I still had some time.
I needed to clear my head, I needed quite and peace. In that moment I just wanted to put forever.
Never say a word again.
For every word fails in expressing how I felt. I am feeling too much that I dont know were to start.
That's why I escaped that breakfast with my father and Toska, I don't feel like talking at all.
I closed my eyes as the wind blew besides me tickling my ears.
A little bit more Janu, just a little bit more.
I am relieved that this trial is today. That this case ends today.
I took a deep breath as I raised my head towards the sky. It is quite cloudy, as if the skies were wearing my mood for the day. This is the most dreadful kind of weather to me.
But today it matches perfectly how I feel.
Depressed and overwhelmed.
*Allahum give me the strength. Don't let my wrong doing with mom cloud me up. Please guide me in this storm, for I am weak and scared. For you are the one who I gain my strength from.
I softly closed my eyes as I took in the beauty around me.
The silent ocean, the wind, and seagulls above.
*
It is 8:50 now, I just got off the taxi near Murat's house.
I had no energy in me to meet anyone. Really.
So I made the taxi drop me a block away.
I am already regretting this.
Ouuch, my feet are killing me.
Ouch
Ouch
Ouch
Ouch
Oufff ya
Damn these heels
I am regretting this
Kill me now
I am starting to sweat.
Ouch
Oufff ouuuffff OUUUUUFFFFF
I hope my body odor won't be detectable.
OUUUUFFFFF OUUUUUFFF OUUUUFFFF
DAMN YOU JANU AND YOUR CRAZY THOUGHTS
Why can't I wear sneakers to everywhere I go?!!!
Can't I just go back to my beach and escape the world
Ouch
Ahahahaha
I want to breakdown crying.
*Kendine gel! You have an arrogant curled squirrel to beat in court.
YOU HAVE TO WIN *DELI KIZ!
Why can't women wear comfortable shoes instead of the pointy shoes from hell, highheels?!!!!
Ouucchh
Damn these heels.
That's was my entire walk till I reached the corner around Murat's house.
I looked down at my watch it is 9:10 now.
Yeah that's how far I made the taxi me drop me off.
But at least I will guarantee, I won't need to talk to anyone.
But.
Too late.
When I took the last corner to his house, I saw the small family waiting for me by Murat's car.
Great!
Nuriyah was holding Melek as Murat played with her.
I walked up to them and exchanged goodmornings. When Melek saw me she opened her arms and said "*Gel."
Honestly kids need to stop this, I am barely keeping my chin up.
I leaned in towards Melek as she wrapped her little arms around me and gave me a soggy kiss.
Ouuufffff I can't deal with others today, especially kids. I don't have the emotional capacity for human interactions today.
"Melek hadi kizim let go of Janu teyzem so she can go to court." Nuriyah asked her daughter.
"*Hayir. Play time." She said back with a pout.
"Tamam Melegcim.' I cut in ' I will come later and play with you, *söz."
"Hadi give her another kiss and wish her best of luck." Nuriyah asked the little doll.
"Tamam." And she did as she said.
Yup I got another soggy kiss.
We finally got in the car as Nuriyah wished me good luck.
Murat started the car and then we drove off. On the journey we discussed some final details of the trial.
After some time we fell into silence.
I pulled one of the two files out from my suitcase. I opened the file. It had all the ladies Ali Bey slept with. Two of them refused to testify today in court. So my hope lays on the last lady left.
I put the file back, as I looked at the other file in there before closing my suitcase.
I sighed as I leaned against the window. I kept watching the cumulonimbus cloud outcasting the sun.
If only it starts raining and I go back home running to my mother's arm.
Like I did as a child whenever it rained while I was at school.
My two older sisters would be still in school while my younger baby brother sleeps inside.
She would stand outside, watching me after she made sure I had a raincoat on.
I would be splashing in the rain. Then I would turn around to her with my hand outstretched begging her to join me. She would refuse at first, but I would pull her by the hand.
Annem would join me under the rain. It was really the only time I got to spend alone with her. No one else but I in her eyesight and attention. Without the hustle of our big family.
By the end of it we would both end up drenched and happy.
My mother and I lost in that moment, in the bliss of the rain.
But things are different now, too different. For I am not a child anymore nor would she openly welcome me home.
"Janu kizim, are you okay?!" Murat asked softly.
"*Iyiyim Murat, iyi." I exhaled.
"If you want I can take the case over for you." He offered. Murat is the sweetest.
"*Yok olmaz. I will finish this case. I took this path with Meryem and I will finish it with her. Thank you Murat *Abim." I replied with a little smile.
We turned back to our and I turned my head back to my cloudy skies and rainy memories.
*
As the car pulled up at court I shook off every thought other than my case.
I touched the snowflake pin on the left of my chest before taking a deep breath.
Hadi Janu you will make sure Meryem Hanim win this trial.
I met Meryem Hanim outside. I greeted her and gave a little reassuring smile. "We will be just fine tamam."
"I know we will." She said back with enthusiasm.
"This is my friend Murat Bey, he is here to make sure everything goes smoothly. Not that we will need him." I said looking towards Murat and winking at him.
We headed inside to the floor were the trial will be held in.
Funny how he gave a talk and degraded me publicly on how late I was. But he himself was late to his own court. Last time I was here before he was.
But this time he bet me to it.
Nikola stood leaning sideways against a pole with his back to us.
I dont think he did his hair with care today because the back of his head had a few rebellious curls.
May be I should apologize for our last encounter. He got quite mad at me.
We walked up to the courtroom, to were he is standing.
"*Gunaydin." Murat said the two men standing by the courtroom. Murat is always civil. Nikola turned around to us then gave Murat a small nod.
He turned his head, looking away from us.
I am looking at a different man now.
He looked pale, his tannish skin lost it radiance. His cheekbones were more pronounced. He seemed to have lost a considerable amount of weight.
His eyes looked hollow and sunken!
The eyes looking around seemed different. They were dark, distant and deprived of the life that used to shine in them. The flirty arrogant man with the adorable dimpled smile was gone.
Only ghost of his was standing there.
"Niko." Someone called from behind me.
I kept my gaze on Nikola as he directed his head towards the caller, he looked at me for a second then at his caller.
His eyes avoided mine.
Damn me for considering apologizing to you arrogant squirrel.
I am totally infuriated now by his behavior.
I opened my suitcase as I looked down at the black file one last time. I left my chin looking up at Murat and nodding my confirmation.
He looked past me.
Nikola is not seeing me at all.
---------------------------------------------------
*TURKISH WORDS
*Ama neden -but why
I sighed as I leaned against the window. I kept watching the cumulonimbus cloud outcasting the sun.
If only it starts raining and I go back home running to my mother's arm.
Like I did as a child whenever it rained while I was at school.
My two older sisters would be still in school while my younger baby brother sleeps inside.
She would stand outside, watching me after she made sure I had a raincoat on.
I would be splashing in the rain. Then I would turn around to her with my hand outstretched begging her to join me. She would refuse at first, but I would pull her by the hand.
Annem would join me under the rain. It was really the only time I got to spend alone with her. No one else but I in her eyesight and attention. Without the hustle of our big family.
By the end of it we would both end up drenched and happy.
My mother and I lost in that moment, in the bliss of the rain.
But things are different now, too different. For I am not a child anymore nor would she openly welcome me home.
"Janu kizim, are you okay?!" Murat asked softly.
"*Iyiyim Murat, iyi." I exhaled.
"If you want I can take the case over for you." He offered. Murat is the sweetest.
"*Yok olmaz. I will finish this case. I took this path with Meryem and I will finish it with her. Thank you Murat *Abim." I replied with a little smile.
We turned back to our and I turned my head back to my cloudy skies and rainy memories.
*
As the car pulled up at court I shook off every thought other than my case.
I touched the snowflake pin on the left of my chest before taking a deep breath.
Hadi Janu you will make sure Meryem Hanim win this trial.
I met Meryem Hanim outside. I greeted her and gave a little reassuring smile. "We will be just fine tamam."
"I know we will." She said back with enthusiasm.
"This is my friend Murat Bey, he is here to make sure everything goes smoothly. Not that we will need him." I said looking towards Murat and winking at him.
We headed inside to the floor were the trial will be held in.
Funny how he gave a talk and degraded me publicly on how late I was. But he himself was late to his own court. Last time I was here before he was.
But this time he bet me to it.
Nikola stood leaning sideways against a pole with his back to us.
I dont think he did his hair with care today because the back of his head had a few rebellious curls.
May be I should apologize for our last encounter. He got quite mad at me.
We walked up to the courtroom, to were he is standing.
"*Gunaydin." Murat said the two men standing by the courtroom. Murat is always civil. Nikola turned around to us then gave Murat a small nod.
He turned his head, looking away from us.
I am looking at a different man now.
He looked pale, his tannish skin lost it radiance. His cheekbones were more pronounced. He seemed to have lost a considerable amount of weight.
His eyes looked hollow and sunken!
The eyes looking around seemed different. They were dark, distant and deprived of the life that used to shine in them. The flirty arrogant man with the adorable dimpled smile was gone.
Only ghost of his was standing there.
"Niko." Someone called from behind me.
I kept my gaze on Nikola as he directed his head towards the caller, he looked at me for a second then at his caller.
His eyes avoided mine.
Damn me for considering apologizing to you arrogant squirrel.
I am totally infuriated now by his behavior.
I opened my suitcase as I looked down at the black file one last time. I left my chin looking up at Murat and nodding my confirmation.
He looked past me.
Nikola is not seeing me at all.
---------------------------------------------------
*TURKISH WORDS
*Ama neden -but why
*Cünkü -because
*PES -
*tamam -okay
*Kizim -my daughter
*Evet -yes
*Küçük -baby
*hanım -miss
*Efendim -yes
*askim -my dear
*Allahum -oh lord
*Kendine gel -behave your self
*DELI KIZ -crazy girl
*Gel -come
*Hayir -no
*söz -promise
*Hadi -come on
*Iyiyim -i am fine
*Yok olmaz -no its not possible
*Abim -brother
*Gunaydin -good morning
*tamam -okay
*Kizim -my daughter
*Evet -yes
*Küçük -baby
*hanım -miss
*Efendim -yes
*askim -my dear
*Allahum -oh lord
*Kendine gel -behave your self
*DELI KIZ -crazy girl
*Gel -come
*Hayir -no
*söz -promise
*Hadi -come on
*Iyiyim -i am fine
*Yok olmaz -no its not possible
*Abim -brother
*Gunaydin -good morning
The end!
I won't be able to upload till Sunday. *insert crying emoji*
But in sha Allah it will be a great chapter.
Till then I appreciate you existence.
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