Silhouettes: Chapter 19

Welcome back my babies!

Before I start a little dedication.

To the girl, to the tough lady who is going through so much in life yet always stronger than ever. To the girl who is pulling and spreading happiness all around her, yet her heart is burning behind her ribs.

You know yourself. I love you loads and I will always respect you and look up to you.

And all of you off course! 

For giving me the time and chance.

Janu POV

Chapter 19: Far Away From Home

Ouuuffffff
I let out a loud exhale.

There is this heaviness in my chest, I can't exhale out for some time now.

"Heheummm" let out a little groan at the knot in my stomach, making me feel sick. I didn't have anything besides coffee all day long.
It was around noon now.

I kept the tips of my feet on the floor rotating my office chair left and right.
I sat there staring outside the window. The skies sullenly were looking back at me.
I hate this weather.
Evet, I absolutely love the rain.
But I hate the cloudy gloomy weather that comes prior to the rain.
I softly closed my eyes as the ring of the Mia's office phone came through the wall.
Phone calls kept blowing up my phone, Mia's, and the office line. Because apparently winning against Nikola Gjoka was a big deal.
Pffft.
I have no idea who people think he is.

However, I was in no mood to talk today. I just wanted to stay silent forever.
So every call was taken by my secretary. Even my personal cellphone.
I even had two clients come all the way to my office.
Luckily, I already had a list of orders out. I was in a "meeting" all day long.

"Tuk tuk tuk" came a knock through the door.
"Mia I am in no mood for company." I said with my back still to the door.
I heard the door click open "Well I am a new client of yours"
"MURAT!" I said half laughing.
He put on high pitched tone, his attempt of pranking me. But he only ended up sounding too funny in the process.
"*Ne istiyorsun?! What do you want now?!"
"Well" he started walking around the room and stopping right in front of my window.
I let out a little grunt at him blocking my view.
"Congratulations *avukat hanim. Didn't you win a case yesterday?!" He asked looking over his shoulder at me.
"What with the mourning mood, then?!' He started taking a few steps forward 'You told Mia to not pass any phone calls, visitors, or notes?!"
"Murat *abim. I am tired from the previous case.."
"Then take a holiday!"
I rolled my eyes at him, to which he let out a small sigh. shaking his head in annoyance.
I can't take a holiday, not now with all these cases pilling up. I am just really getting started with my career. A holiday now is a suicide note.
He turned his back to me, staring out the window.
"Don't forget that you promised Melek to spend time with her." He said reminding me with my promise from the previous day.
"*Tamam." I responded. Melek is a line neither of us would ever cross.

We went silent for the next 10 minutes.
It was that heavy silence in which a lot go on in your mind, yet you never speak it out.
He kept looking out the window while I sat there in my office chair.

"*Bu arada. That lawyer of yours, I did some researching' he turned around, facing me and he added 'The cause to why he left criminal law two years back."
I nodded my head slightly. I couldn't be less interested or curios in a subject.
What could it be?!
The little snob was bored and decided to switch.
"He left the country, went back to America for 3 months."
"He studied law in there may be..."
"*Hayir" He replied firmly reading my mind.
According to the public knowledge Nikola went to the States to get his law degree.
He fixated his gaze on something outside the window before adding "It was a big case."
He stopped talking for a second.
"*NE?!" I questioned as I leaned against my desk, fully concentrating on every word that he was departing his lips.
Murat looked over his shoulder at me, the sun reflecting on his glasses "It had to do with some Mafia head. The client was in debt to him. The client's wife was......"
"NE?!" I demanded.
Murat looked down then let out a heavy sigh "The client's wife was killed.
I swallowed hard, looking away. I was recalling Niko's reply to me that day "I slept with my client's wife."
He lied!!!
But why?!
When I looked back at Murat, he was observing me closely. He took a deep breath, then turned his head to the window before adding "He, he..."
"*Sen diyorsun, *oglum?! What are you saying. *Konusma."I demanded.
He looked back at me, the eyes looking behind the glasses were soft, sad, and sympathetic
He said something but I didn't hear it.
"NE?! WHAT IN THE WORLD DID..NO NO." I said shaking my head in disbelief.
"He found her. Nikola was the one who found her in her own bathroom, shot to her own death."
My body slammed against my chair. My legs unable to carry my body weight.
I think Murat said something about the client calling Nikola terrified about his wife not answering his calls.
My mind couldn't register a thing after knowing that.
Niko found her dead.
He left criminal law because of that.

Are We Too Late- Tom Leeb

The next thing I knew, I was leaving.

Murat kept calling behind me.

But I kept picking my pace up out of my office. I started running to his office, to him.

It felt as if someone poured hot water on my head.

I was beyond shocked and sad?!

I was sad for him?!

I don't know, my feelings and head is a jumbled mess that I couldn't figure out.

But all that I knew is that I wanted to reach Nikola as fast as I could. 

I stopped a cab and got into it.

I sat leaning against the window, as everything started to sink in.

He witnessed her death.
My head kept displaying images of a woman laying down on a pool of blood, in her bathroom. Then Nikola walking in finding there.
"*Allahum" I whispered as I tried to shake off those images out of my head.

*

I tapped my heels on the floor, waiting the elevator to reach his office. 
"BING" the elevator door opened.
That  knot in my stomach tightened as I stepped out of the elevator. 
I half ran down to his office, stopping at his secretary's desk.
"Pardon. I have to talk to Nikola bey." I said urgently.
"Good afternoon to you" She said, trying to be polite.
"I need to meet him." I pressed back.
"He is not here." She said not even bothering to look at me.
"You don't understand it is urgent." I pressed back. 
She stood up, making eye contact with me. I think it was her attempt at intimidating me. 
"You are the one not understanding, when I said he is not here."
"Huh' I let out a forced laugh as I sat eyes on his office door 'I know you are lying to me."
I started walking up to his office, ignoring her.
"*Hanimefendi" She kept calling behind me.
"I know he is here, but he asked you to not let me meet him." I said stopping at the door.
She was directly behind me.
I pushed the door open and walked in, expected to be welcomed by him standing against the window.
Add to that our usual, him smirking with his dimples and then going on to mock me.
But it was empty and quite. 
I looked at the spot where I poured my cup of coffee on him.
That must have been very painful, but he deserved it.
"What have I told you?!" The secretary said from behind me.
"Where is he?! Call him tell him I will be waiting for him in here." I demanded. 
"Tamam. Tamam. *Baksa." His secretary replied with a mocking tone.
I was about to take another step into the office. 
But I was pulled back by the arm.
She pulled me back "*Bidakka. Bidakka. What do you think yourself doing?!"
I looked down at her hand holding my arm, then back up at her.
How dare you?!
I pulled my arm away as I said "Well I will be waiting in here, for him to come"
She pulled backwards again, spinning me around.
I was standing in the doorway now with my back to the door.
"Hanimefendi…" I started.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM, HA?! WASNT IT ENOUGH WHAT YOU HAVE DONE YESTERDAY."
She was shouting at me now. 
What the?
"Hey...." I snapped.
I was in a terrible mood myself.
"NE hey?! Ha' she asked as she pushed me back 'you come to wreck him more, didn't you?! Well congratulations you got what you wanted. HE IS GONE LONG GONE. AWAY FROM HERE."
What in the world is she talking about?!
"DONT SHOUT AT ME..." I shouted back at her.
A bang on the door came startling both of us.
"Hanimefendi. Don't shout." It was that assistant, Luka.
"*Hadi, call your boss now. I want to meet him." I demanded.
"*SEN! ARE YOU EARS FULLY AWARE OF WHAT IS LEAVING YOUR MOUTH. HE IS GONE. GONE GONE." The girl shouted then broke down crying.
"Hahah. *Cok komik." I forced a laugh then crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows at them.
"WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND HE IS GONE...GONE." She was full on sobbing.
I looked at her as it hit me she was serious.
"Hadi celebrate your victory..." She went on to add as she charge at me.
She started pushing me back, out of Nikola's office.
"NUR YETER." Luka said pulling her back.
She broke down into his arm sobbing.
"*Git Janu hanim. Git." Luka said through greeted teeth.
Somehow that girl broke free from his grip. She approached me then said in a barely audible voice "You called him a monster yesterday. The only monster is you."
She pushed me back once again, down away from Nikola's office.
"HADI LAUGH AND CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORY. YOU ARE A SICK PERSON." 
She kept pushing me, and I let her do so. I surrendered to her as then news of Nikola's leaving hit me.
She kept pushing till I was out of Nikola's territory.
She finally turned around when I was out and walked away. 
Luka stood there watching me for a second.
When he was about to walk away from me, I managed to say in a low voice "Where did he go?!"
"Huh' he let out a forced grin 'now you care?! He is in flying to America as we speak. Be happy."
I swallowed hard.
"Wow. Now you acting sad"
He took a stop towards me then pointed a finger at me saying "If it wasn't for my promise to him, I would have known how deal with you." 
He took a few steps away from me, then turned around to me adding "You have no idea what Niko have been through in all his life. No idea."

I stood there, their words sinking in, drowning me.
He is gone.
And before I knew it a tear escaped my eyes.
I was sad.
I bit down on my lips as I squeezed my eyes shut.
He is gone and I will never see him again.

I stumbled out of the skyscraper his office is located in.
I looked one last time as it.
He is gone.
What have I done?!
Did I really wanted that?!
Not to ever see him again!
I looked around as the world went around, spinning and rushing. 
I was drowning, down way down, out of everything I knew and loved.
I needed one thing now.
One person.
I needed her.

*

I got off the bus at my old neighborhood.
It was raining now. 
It started raining when I left that skyscraper but I couldn't even notice it, let alone enjoy it.
I passed by the small market and the neighbors who I knew since forever.
I knew they were talking behind my back calling me the "disobedient daughter who went out of her mother's word."
I walked up to our house in silence, with raindrops wetting my face.

Unsteady- X Ambassadors
My heart aching with every step that I took.
Mom please be home. 
I turned around the corner towards our house.
Then I saw her carrying groceries back home.
"*ANNEM." I called in a shaky voice.
Her head snapped in my direction, after that she picked up her pace.
"ANNEM." I called again.
I started to run but I was at the end of the road and she was at the door.
She started to jiggle the keys, opening the door.
I started ran faster towards her, "ANNEM"
But I was too late.
She slammed the door shut behind her, leaving me outside.

"YAPMA ANNEM. *LUTFEN YAPMA." I started to shout as I banged on the door, kicking it with my feet.
"ANNEM, TAKE ME IN. DONT LEAVE ME OUT. DONT LEAVE HERE WET. ANNEM. YAPMA. I AM IN NEED OF YOU. ANNEM LUTFEN TAKE ME BACK IN. HOLD MY HAND IN THIS RAIN. DONT LEAVE MEEEE."
I started bawling as I fell to feet banging on the door harder and harder.
"ANNEM DONT LEAVE YOUR DAUGHTER OUT. DONT LEAVE ME COLD. ANNEM I NEED YOU. I AM SO LOST AND SCARED. ANNEM YAPMA. LUTFEN. I BEG YOU DONT LEAVE ME HERE.ANNEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMM"
I leaned against the door as my tears streamed down my face, while the rain drenched my body.

*
Adaliyet Teyza POV:
I leaned my back against the door as she shouted.
I started crying myself.
But I couldn't let her in.
"ANNEMMMMM. BENE YAPMA.  I beg you. I am cold, afraid, and lost. Annem, hold my hand under the rain, like you always have done..."
I closed my eyes recalling our happier, easier times.
My dearest daughter stopped, to catch her breath. She let out deep sighs from within chest.
I squeezed my eyes hard as I heard her sighs and that cry of help.
"Annem take me in, bath me, then dry me. Keep me warm, I beg you don't leave me outside. I am so scared annem."
I couldn't let her in.
And how could I?!
When what she said was actually right.
But I couldn't let her in, I was mad at myself not her.

She kept calling me "Annem, Annem."

She didn't stop crying.

She banged against the door, and I swear each bang was on my heart.

But she broke me and cut me too deep.

I placed my hands on the door, wishing I could dry her tears and pain away.

I just couldn't let her in.

"*KIZIM, HADI GiT. YOU WILL GET SICK." I said through the door.
"I am already sick Annem. I beg you let me in. I am sorry. I am the wrong one. I beg you mom."
She kept banging on the door crying my name.
"HADI GIT." I ordered again. The rain was only getting heavier.
After some, I heard get up.
I could hear her sighs through the door, then I went to the kitchen to watch my daughter before she disappeared under the rain.

*
Janu POV"
The rain have only gotten heavier when I reached my destination.
The tears dried on my face on the journey here.
I dragged myself under the heavy rain, till I finally reached him.
"Dede." I broke down to my knees at his grave.
"Your Nanu is here. And she misses you a lot." I declared between sobs.
"FORGIVE ME.' I shouted under the rainstorm. 'I should have done more for you. But I didn't."
I closed my eyes and placed a hand on my heart as I cried harder.
"I wish if you never left my side."
I laid my head on his grave "Your Nanu is tired. I am tired of doing my best, but end up wrecking everyone around me. I did wrong by mother and Niko. I don't know what to do anymore."
I dug my nails into the soil "*Ben yoruldum. I am too tired."
I raised my head looking up, the rain washing over my face.
"ALLAHUM HELP ME I HAVE NO ONE TO TURN TO."

I stayed there under the rainstorm, with my body stretched over his grave, crying. 

Turkish Words
*Ne istiyorsun           -            What do you want
*Avukat hanim          -            Lawyer Maam
*Abim                        -            My brother
*Tamam                     -            OK
*Bu arada                   -            By the way
*Hayir                        -             No
*Ne                            -             What
*Sen diyorsun            -             You say
*oglum                       -             Son
*Konusma                 -             Talk
*Allahum                 -              My Allah         
*Baksa                      -              Look to
*Bidakka                  -              One minute
*Hadi                       -               Come on
*Sen                         -               You
*Cok comic             -               Very funny
* Yeter                     -               Enough
*Git                          -               Go
*Annem                   -               My mother
*Yapma                   -                Don't
*Lutfan                    -               Please
*Kizim                    -                My daughter
*Hadi git                 -                Come on, go
**Ben yoruldum     -                I am tired

The end!

Good night it is past midnight in here.