I missed all of you especially my babies JaNiko.
It is great to find a space for both of us for a few minutes (hours in my case) to write and read. To slow down a little in all of this hustle.
Have a seat in front of the fireplace and a fuzzy blanket, while I will make you a fresh cup of hot coco.
Chapter 21: You Never Knew
Murat POV:
"Mia, where is Janu?!" I questioned her secretary when I first walked into her office.
"Ah…." She started.
"*Tamam I know she gave you strict orders." I said sighing as I walked past her into Janu's office.
The strict orders were no calls, meetings, or anyone really myself and her family included.
She was 'busy'.
She tried to object, but I ignored her and walked up to Janu's office door.
It is not like me to ignore people.
But here is the thing.
I haven't heard from Janu in more than ten days, two weeks after the trial to be exact.
I pushed the door open.
"AH...." I let out a small gasp at the scene in front of me.
The office was dark.
The shades were shut.
I couldn't see it at first, but with the sunrays escaping through the tight shades.
I saw it, when I turned my head far right.
Janu was laying on her old brown couch, curled up under her quilt.
I think it was her...?!!
I looked closely and I was right.
The quilt Adileyt *Teyzam, her mother made by hand on her 8th birthday.
I let out a breath in despair.
Ahhh Janu *Ablam what have happened to you?!
We need urgent help, urgently and quickly.
I turned on my heels and walked out, leaving behind a sleepless Janu.
Eve POV:
(Friday)
This is my second week back.
Murat fired the red code.
I had to travel back home to Istanbul.
Janu have been locking up herself away for weeks now, besides work she isn't doing much.
She have been avoiding me all together and not subtly.
No as in I talk to her and she just walks off.
Even at work she is still not fully active, she is not going to court for trials.
Today, she haven't gone to work all together.
She was very depressed and demotivated. At this rate I think we will need to seek professional help for her.
I walked into her room.
It was dark, but still some sunrays made their way through the dark room.
"Janu." I called her softly.
No answer.
I looked down at the bed.
It was deserted, exactly how I made it yesterday.
"JANU." I half-shouted her name, I was freaking out.
WHERE ARE YOU?!
I walked around, standing in front of the window, the most illuminated spot in the room.
"JANU." I summoned her name again, looking around the room.
I looked down at the floor and then it came into sight.
I saw it!
One of the corners of her colorful quilt was spread under the bed.
I furrowed my eyebrows, before bending down to have a better look.
There she laid, on the hard tiles.
I had to squint my eyes hard to see her properly.
She was cocooned inside her quilt. She leaning against her arms, with the back of her head to me,
Her light brown hair sprawled all around her, covering her arms and floor.
"Janu." I said softly.
Still no answer.
I stood back up, smacking my lips together in frustration.
I shook my head to myself, this cant go on like this.
After that, I picked up the tray and walked out.
I closed the door behind me as I held the untouched breakfast tray I prepared earlier today.
"We need to fire the black code." I announced to myself.
*
I kept watching the clock's arms moving around as I sat on the kitchen stool.
I was waiting for our last resort, the black code team.
BING
"The elevator." I whispered to myself jumping to my feet.
The goal was not having the black code ring or knock the door, or that will set Janu off.
I ran on my toes to the front door.
You have no idea how scary Janu can be, she senses things. Especially when I plan things behind her back.
I pushed hard on the door handle, resulting in a loud noise.
"*Yavas kizim." I scolded myself.
I gently pulled the door open, and peaked through it.
There he stood leaning against the wall, smiling.
"Ahmet *amca!" I said happily.
"Eve kizim." He said beaming at me, but his eyes held some sadness in them.
He couldn't help it, as his eyes moved behind me, wandering where she was.
And how could he not be?! His daughter, his Nanu was in a down spiral.
I opened the door wider, welcoming him in.
"Under the bed, right?!" He asked for confirmation.
"Ehm." I nodded back.
He smiled a little to himself.
By the looks of it he was expecting that actually.
I walked with him to her room.
"*Burda." I said softly, as I slowed steps, coming to a stop.
He stopped at the door, facing me then saying "*Hadi gel"
I shook my head at him.
He walked up to me, then gave me a comforting squeeze over the shoulder.
"Janu will be okay. We will make sure that she is, tamam." He announced.
"Tamam." I said in a chocked up voice.
My friend was in a dark place and I couldn't do a thing for her.
He gave me a little hug, before disappearing into the room.
I leaned against the wall watching Ahmet amca disappear into the room.
He is truly the father everyone wishes to have.
He have been the father we all wanted and needed, even I.
The half-French no one liked in here or there, including her own parents.
Wolf Larsen - If I Be Wrong
*
Janu POV:
It was dark.
But it was never as dark as I internally felt.
I am tired.
I laid there on the hard floor.
It was cold.
But it was never cold enough.
Never cold to took away from the heat from within, the fire burning in my heart.
I pressed head into my arms, wiping away an escaping tear on my hand.
I am tired.
I am not even feeling like myself anymore.
I am not certain anymore of anything.
"*Allahum." I said under my breath as I closed my eyes.
I heard the door swing open.
I lifted my head, laying my chin on my hands as I watched the set of feet move around the room.
My eyes were used to the dark by now, so I could identify the person at once.
But I stayed there silent.
They stopped right in front of the window.
Then they turned away from me towards the window.
"Ahhh." He let out a small sigh as he sat on the edge of the bed. The back of his feet were only an arm length away from me.
"I wonder where is my Janu?! I miss her dearly."
I don't know where she is either.
"Tamam. May be I should call her by how she says it?!"
I stayed put in there, fixating my eyes on his feet.
"Nano." he called.
My lips trembled and my eyes teared up, I was going to burst out crying.
I outstretched my left arm, my fingertips brushed against the back of his feet.
But that was enough.
*
Ahmet amca POV:
I dived into my knees, peaking at my Janu under the bed.
She was there.
My little kitten laid there scared, helpless, and lost.
She was truly like a little kitten, which was far away from home.
And she was.
Even through the darkness, I could still see her eyes. They stared back at me, her left eye covered behind strands of hair.
"Nano, kizim hadi gel." I said softly.
Her lip curled, and I knew even if I couldn't see it that she was about to cry.
And I would my soul away not to see her sad, let alone this broken.
"Gel gel. *Seni Babam is here."
She grabbed her left fisted hand with her left, then pressed her mouth onto it.
She was avoiding looking at me.
"Nano, kizim hadi come, let us let some light in. Gel. Let us fix everything together. You are never alone."
She looked back at me and whispered "Ba-ba"
"Gel. Let us fix everything. Gel."
She lightly nodded before outstretching her left hand, for me to pull her out.
"Hadi gel your old man isn't that fit."
And I pulled her out both physically and emotionally.
*
We sat on the floor with her head pressed against my chest. She silently cried.
I let her do that, however it was time for tough love.
"Janu. Tamam *beliyorum. You are sad because your last encounter with you mom wasn't at it best, your case, and your grandpa that you never stopped blaming yourself for his death."
She tilted her chin up, looking at me amazed by how I knew what was going in her head and heart.
How could I not?!
"Kizim I can read your eyes.' I said firmly as she looked away.
"Huh' I let out a small laugh 'even without your beautiful eyes. I think I know my daughter well enough. I am also able to put two and two together. Yes your mother shared with me what happened. The trial part, you have been avoiding us since then, and tamam Murat confirmed my suspicions. As for your grandpa I just know that."
I gently pushed her away from my chest and stood to my feet, announcing "It is the time. It is time to let the sun in."
I walked towards the curtains.
I pushed them aside revealing the bright sun, and gaining a small groan from Janu in the process.
After that, I went ahead opening the window, revealing the busy world outside.
I stood there for a second inhaling the fresh air, before turning back to her.
Janu was holding her right hand up, shading her eyes away from the bright sun.
I smiled at her before putting my hand out "Hadi gel."
She silently obliged taking my hand.
I pulled her to her feet, then positioned her right in front of me.
I stood behind her as I pulled back her hair away from her beautiful face.
"Breathe the fresh air my Janu.' I whispered into her ear ' We will fix everything single thing together, I promise."
She quietly nodded back.
"Seni Babam is here, he will make sure everything will go well. We will have to be patient. We will never give up, tamam."
"Tamam." she said in a barely audible voice.
Janu lifted her head up to the skies above, finally slowing down her breath.
I placed a kiss on the back of head, as I held my daughter up.
We peacefully stood there, waiting for her to exhale it all out.
*
After making her wash up, Janu took one of the kitchen's stool while I made her a late light lunch.
I sat opposite to her watching her chew her food slowly.
"Hadi,*Bismi Allah basilim." I said smiling.
"Evet." she said back with a little smile.
I will take that, I will take anything from her today.
*
I crossed my arms, smiling to myself as I watched her get ready.
She stared at her reflection then directed her eyes to the left corner of the mirror, to where I stood.
"*Ne?!" She questioned, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Hec." I said softly.
Well it wasn't entirely true, but words would fail in this moment to explain how I felt.
"Baba." She said smiling back at me.
"I am proud of you. Every single of you in all your life aspects, even your relationships." I said putting her mind to rest.
I was truly beyond proud of my daughter, my Janu, my Nano.
She nodded smiling then walked up to me, to place a kiss on my check.
"Ah." I said as I wiped the sticky spot of her.
"BABA." she said in an annoyed squeaky voice.
I laughed down at her "Anything that comes from my Nano is more than welcomed. Hadi *git."
She grabbed her handbag from the dresser top the started "Baba, Eve ve Adam...."
"Tamam. *Bende. I will be here till you come back." I winked at her.
She smiled back before walking off, stopping right in front of the door.
Janu turned around, facing me, then she ran up to me. She threw her arms around me. She hugged me tight, saying "*Seni seviyorum Baba."
I ran a hand over her silky brown hair as I replied "Bende seni *guzel kiz."
I followed her out of the room and watched as Eve chanted for her
"YURU ASLANIM."
Janu laughed at her then hugged her.
"*Bedaka, I will pour some water behind you."
A Turkish habit of ours for travelers.
"*Gel buraya." Janu said back, pulling her into a quick hug.
"Bedaka take my car." Eve offered as she pulled out her cardkeys.
"No objections young lady." Eve pressed back as Janu was about to object.
Eve and I watched Janu as she stood in front of the elevator, waiting.
We waved at her, while Eve let out some funny chants.
Janu disappeared into the elevator.
Then I turned around to Eve, declaring "Hadi your turn."
"Amca." she tried, but it was a lost case.
"Hadi gel." I told her as I placed a hand over her shoulder.
*
Janu POV:
I stood in the elevator waiting to get to my floor. All that confidence my father boosted into me, starting to vanish.
I started to nervously tap the back of my heel on the floor, gaining stares from the suited men around me.
Okay here is the thing, my father knew the entire situation except for Niko's.
He advised me to be patient with my mother, as for my Grandpa well I needed to forgive myself.
I didn't give him full details on that matter as it was embarrassing and wrong. I only told him I did wrong by someone, I lift out his name, relation, and gender. His response was to do what I knew I had to do, sit down and talk. May be apologize if that is needed I am not quite sure yet.
So here I am standing waiting for to do just that, try to find a middle ground.
I walked out the elevator to his office, but it the held a starnge kind of air.
You could sense it in the air.
Add to that, the place was not busy, in the contrary it was almost deserted except for 2 to 3 people, one of then being her.
"*Selam." I said when I approached his secretary.
She didn't lift up her head as she said "Sorry Nikola Bey is not available."
She was busy, very busy. One hand taking calls, while the other going through the mountain of papers in front of her.
I was trying to get some of her attention, when she pulled a paper from the middle of the rack.
I outstretched my hand, managing to catch a few while the rest made their way, flooding the floor.
"Ahhhh." she let out a grunt as she walked around her desk to collect her papers.
I was already collecting some of them when she snatched them out of my hands "What are you doing here?!"
"*Yapma boyle. I just need to talk to Nikola for a few minutes."
She started to laugh hysterically at me.
"Sen are you serious?! He left her have been in the US for more than a month now, thanks to you."
"Tamam. *Ozel…"
"Save your lousy apology. I don't want to hear it."
I let out a deep sigh, as I collected a few more papers.
"*Birak.…" She said snatching the papers out of my hands.
"I just want to help...."
"I don't want that especially from you." she announced.
She stood up and walked away, leaving me behind and the papers.
I stood to my feet " Tamam I know I caused so much heartache in here, especially to you. It was never in my intention....."
"NOT IN YOUR INTENTION." she started to shout.
Oh boy, here we go. Apparently, she and I will never be able to communicate.
"YOU MADE SURE YOU WILL BREAK HIM THADT DAY AND WHEN YOU DID YOU ARE SAYING IT WASNT IN YOUR INTENTION. ARE YOU EVEN HUMAN?!"
"I am not here to fight with you. I am not even here to talk with you....."
"Nolyu burda?!" a man's voice interrupted us.
It was Luka.
You have no idea what Niko have been through in all his life.
I swallowed hard as I recalled his words from our last encounter.
"*Bak' I said walking to him 'I am not here to fight. I just want to apologize and clear things up with Nikola."
He held a finger up at me.
He was on the phone.
He pulled it away "Okay I get your message across. What do you want now?! Bak we are closing this office for Allah knows how long I have no time to waste."
"*NE?!" I raised my eyebrows, shocked.
He will be gone for that long.
As if reading my mind he said "We don't know when Nikola will be back."
He hanged up his phone, before he turned around from me and started to walk away.
"Bedaka.' he stopped walking 'Can I at least have a cup of coffee with you?! I want to fix things."
I think that Nur was in love with him or something, because she was death staring at me.
He half turned at me, then I added, smiling "Remember your promise to Nikola."
He smacked his lips together, nodding his head.
"Tamam. Hadi gel."
*
"I am Janu by the way." I introduced myself when we got off the elevator.
"I know that."
"I know that you do, but we are officially meeting one another now."
"Tamam Janu. I am Luka." he coldly said, walking ahead of me.
This is going to be such a hard day.
We got into his car and we started to drive off.
"Cool car." I was really making an attempt in here.
"Thank you, but it is not mine. It belongs to Nikola."
He kept his eyes fixated on the road.
"Why are you driving it, then?!"
"Well it have been parked for a month I wanted to make sure it will be fully functional for him when he gets back."
"You are a good friend."
"I try to be, to Niko at least."
Have I said this will be hard day?!
HELP!
"Do you mind if I turned on the radio?!" I politely asked.
He nodded back.
I stretched my hand, turning on the radio.
I was about to scroll for through stations, but it caught my eyes.
A CD was already in there.
I made a mind note to memorize the song's name "Save yourself- Kaleo"
I don't know really but I just did.
And it started to play.
"AYE." I let a little screech, as I covered my ears with my hands.
It was too loud, deafening loud.
Luka let out a little chuckle, turning the volume down.
Well at least he seemed to lighten up.
"*Teskeler." I said smiling.
He nodded back at me smiling.
Okay, Janu, he isn't the talkative type but he isn't bad.
Well Nikola likes him a lot.
NE ALAKA KIZIM?!
*KENDENE GEL
The singer started to sing and it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard.
Nikola had good taste in music.
'Yes it weights heavy on my heart
There is more than meets the eye
Someone else's gain will be my loss"
The song spoke to me.
I leaned my head on the window, starring as the streets, cars, and people came into sight and blurred out.
I looked back at digital clock in the car.
It announced that it was 5:05.
I was in his car, with his friend, and listening to his playlist.
I was surrounded by everything that was his.
And I felt peaceful, yet miserable specifically with the song.
I felt as if Nikola was singing to me, telling me "Darling, save yourself for someone else."
But I didn't want to.
*
I sat opposite Luka, in a small coffeeshop overviewing the beach.
"*Cok guzel." I announced as I took a deep breath in.
"Niko and I usually come here."
I looked at him sighing "I am really sorry."
"I am not angry at you.' he leaned on the table 'not anymore."
I let out an exhale, as I relxed my shoulder.
I was that tense.
Luka smiled back at me, annoucning "But I am upset."
He sat back into his seat.
"I am upset because you misjudged Niko Abim big time."
I looked down and away.
"Bak I have no idea why you are this angry with him, but truly my friend is such a great man."
"Beliyorum. I followed and looked up at him for years." I confessed, biting the inside of my cheek.
"What happened, then?! How did you go from that to..."
He let out a deep exhale, biting down on his lip.
"Do you know how I meet Niko?!"
I shook my head in response.
"I was eight then. Annem was the cooker and Babam was the gardner at his Grandparents house, father side. We lived in there, since I can remember. *Sonra…"
He swallowed then added "Sonra, the news of his mother's death spread all around the house. News of the only Grandchild and heir moving in was discussed all around the house, among the master and the servants. Sonra that day came, he moved in..."
He stopped talking and stared at the blue sea, recalling that bitter time.
"Sonra, he moved in. I remember that day so well because, I was secretly playing in the shed. I got caught by my father...….."
*
Luka POV
"Sen what are you doing?!" My father roared at me.
"Baba. Ben..." I tried.
But it was hopeless, he pulled me by the arm and started hitting.
He slapped my head, then pushed me back to the floor.
He was beyond angry "Aptal, you will get Gjoka Bey angry at us. He stores his belongs in here. I warned you the last time. But you will never learn will you."
He looked around then grabbed a wooden stick from behind.
That's it, he was going to hit.
He raised his arm up in the sky, swinging the stick down.
I closed my eyes.
"YOU CANT HIT HIM. I ORDER YOU." a shout came in, interrupting us.
I opened my eyes, I couldn't believe what was before my eyes.
I saw a boy a year or so younger than I hitting my own father. He kept punching his stomach.
My abusive father getting hit that was a fresh site.
"*Napyosun?!" my father said pushing him away.
He turned back to me.
But that boy was quicker he grabbed a stick and hit him with it, making my father twist in pain.
"Hadi git git." He told me.
"GIT."
I hastily got up to my feet and ran out of the shed, leaving a safe distance between my father and I .
At last, I turned around, I saw my father grabbing the boy by the arm.
I started running back towards them, wanting to stop him.
He slapped the little boy across the face, gaining a painful shout from the boy.
"BABA" I shouted, trying to distract my father away from the both. But it didn't work.
I tugged onto my father waist, trying to pull him away.But he was too heavy for me.
He pushed me off of him, directing his attention to the little boy to hit him again.
"BABA." I shouted.
He lifted his head realizing I was the one he wanted to hit.
He left the boy and stormed towards me.
But what my father didn't calculate was that the little boy grabbing that stick and hitting hard him with it.
My father turned around to the boy, anger sparking out of his yes. But the boy ignored that and just to kick him in his manhood.
My eyes popped out in shook, as I watched my father bent down in pain.
I needed to help that boy.
So the boy and I then started hitting him again. The boy even repaed that slap he got earlier.
Yes he slapped my father's face.
My father fell down.
Yes we were not strong, but together it was different.
"YOU WILL NOT HIT HIM EVER AGAIN. THOSE WHO HIT THEIR KIDS WILL BURN IN HELL. AND I KNOW THAT YOU WILL."
"Hadi gel." he said to me as he walked out of the shed.
But I stood there.
He came back in grabbing my hand and walking out.
I sneaked into the kitchen for some ice, food, and water, while he watched the way for me.
We sat in my hiding spot in the garden, outside the Gjokha territory. We were eating and drinking and applying some of the ice on our wounds.
"My name is Nikola."
"Nice to meet you Niko, my name is Luka."
He looked away.
"My mother used to call me that. But you can as well." He said sadly.
I got up to my feet and started to chant "Nikola, kahramanim."
He got up to his feet with me shouting "Sende benim.' he looked at me 'You came back for me."
After that we talked about what fun things to do in here. I told him that I find his Grandpa annoying, to which he laughed.
"So do I."
We munched on the little snacks I got us.
"You are moving in here, right?!" I asked him.
"Evet." he said looking away sadly.
"I will finally have a friend in this house." I told him.
I was trying to divert his thoughts away, and it worked!
He was beaming at me before saying "So will I."
I was trying to divert his thoughts away, and it worked!
He was beaming at me before saying "So will I."
I reached out to the last biscuit my mother baked earlier that day. I simply handed it over to him, and he took it.
He was about to bite into it, stopped.
Niko looked at me then at the biscuit in his hand.
Niko looked at me then at the biscuit in his hand.
"Here" he said as broke that biscuit in half, handing me one half of it.
I looked at him one last time.
I looked at him one last time.
He was smiling at me as I took it.
*
Luka looked at me, rubbing his light stubble.
"Do you understand now?!"
I nodded silently.
"If you haven't been through what he wen through you will never understand the depth of his wounds."
I sighed as I sat back into my chair defeated.
I was very quick to judge and execute.
"And let me tell you that was not the end of it. It is not like you would imagine. Niko choose the hard way to gain his freedom, without the financial help from his Grandpa. He refused all of that money. Do you know Niko started before I did?!"
I shock my head at him.
"He started working when he was only 14, with the only goal in head is going to the US to study law. And he did it. With his savings and his mother's he did it!"
He stopped for a second then added "He worked his butt off, in there, washing dishes in restaurants, sleeping in the library. That's besides going hungry for days. But he made it somehow, through all those struggles."
"Why didn't you help him?!" I asked, bewildered.
"Around that time, sadly we fell out. I entered a darker place in my own life, causing my mother so much trouble. It was in his last year of law school. It took one phone call. Only one to bring him back with all his savings. I was in debt to the wrong people, and he paid it with his own college money. He didn't even care that my mistake will coast him a year of law school. He saw it as an opportunity to get our friendship back and see my mother. He spent two months in here, to make sure I was on track before flying back to America. Now tell me that Niko isn't a good person?!"
"I can't" I responded.
"You know we he finally moved back in here and settled. He took a high school graduate as his assistant. That's me."
Oh my.
I turned my head to the side as I recalled my last encounter with him.
I covered my face with my hands in shame.
I did wrong by that man.
"I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I can tell you this my friend is not cruel, he is not a monster. In the contrary, he is a beautiful human, truly a human. And if you are one of the few he lets in, then you are very lucky. He will loved you in a way you can never imagine."
"I looked at him "Luka I am sorry."
"I know you are. And I hope one day you will get to get to tell him that in person."
So do I.
So do I.
After that we left, and the first thing I did when I got into the car was turning on the radio.
Luka started to laugh at me then said over the music "Well that's exactly what Niko does when he first gets into this car."
I smiled at him as I let the music wash over me.
I softly closed my eyes as I took in the scent of the leather, and his faint scent.
Yes you hid away like a ghost away from me
Yes we bleed the same
And you did run away
And I do just want you to come home
*
Eve and I sat on the wooden chairs on balcony.
I tightened my quilt around me. We sat under the dark skies, watching the city around us, lightly chatting.
She was happy and I quote "Happy to have back my friend."
*Deli kiz
She stood up, announcing "I will go prepare some hot coco."
"Tamam." I said back smiling at her.
Before disappearing into the apartment, she grabbed her phone "Let's play our song."
This was the song, I fell in love with around the time I met Eve.
But tonight it spoke differently to me.
"Hey stranger or may I call you my own"
I stood up and walked to the balcony edge taking the view under.
"There's nothing between us I am willing to lose"
I lifted my head up as the next line came
"I want you to call me under these darkening skies
Now I am drifting out over deep oceans
And the tide wont take me back in"
------------------------------------
*TURKISH WORDS
------------------------------------
*TURKISH WORDS
*Tamam OKAY
*Teyzam AUNT
*Ablam DEAR SISTER
*Yavas kizim SLOW KIZIM
*amca UNCLE
*Burda HERE
*Hadi gel COME ON IN
*Allahum OH GOD
*Seni Babam YOUR FATHER
*beliyorum WAITING
*Bismi Allah basilim ISLAMIC VERSE
*Ne WHAT
*git GO
*Bende SO DO I
*Seni seviyorum Baba." I LOVE U MY BABA
*guzel kiz BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER
*Bedaka ONE MINUTE
*Gel buraya COME HERE
*Selam HEY
*Yapma boyle NO SUCH
*Ozel SPECIAL
*Birak LEAVE IT
*Bak LISTEN
*Teskeler THANK YOU
*Sonra ATFER
*Napyosun WHAT ARE U DOING
*Deli kiz CRAZY GIRL
PHEWWWWW!
I hope that you loved it.
Listen to the songs, the last one especially talks about Janu's feeling.
The first two will make sense later on. *wink
But honestly I never put a song out of the blue, especially for this chapter.
Good night.
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