Welcome back.
This chapter is both Niko's and Luka's POV. You will see why I added Luka's POV.
I included some songs links to set up the mood. My advice is to have a listen while reading to make you really dive into the emotions.
Let's get to it!
Chapter 18: Inside
I rushed out of my office, leaving a calling Nur behind me.
"Nikola Bey....." she called
"*Sonra" I responded firmly.
I headed to the fire exit. I needed and wanted to avoid everyone.
I pushed the door open.
I pushed the door open.
"You wont cry again." I ordered myself through greeted teeth as I wiped off that silly tear.
Click on: Kaleo- Way Down We Go
Click on: Kaleo- Way Down We Go
I started running down the stairs.
I took them step by step, going down.
Down to the next floor, I just ran as fast as I can.
I kept going.
I took them step by step, going down.
Down to the next floor, I just ran as fast as I can.
I kept going.
"NIKO" my name echoed all around of me, from the top of the staircase.
I stopped in my tracks at that familiar voice summoning me, arousing me once again.
His footsteps came drumming behind me.
"Where are you going?!" Luka asked when he finally reached me.
I looked down and away, then said in a low voice "I am tired I want to go home and rest."
I looked down and away, then said in a low voice "I am tired I want to go home and rest."
"*Hadi. *Gel I will drive you home."
He placed a hand on my back as we walked down the staircase.
"I went to get us lunch, but let us skip this one I have no appetite either. We will keep this as a secret between us." He said smiling weakly at me.
The wind blew into my face as I pushed the emergency exit door open, revealing the world outside. The voices of honking cars came to ears, Istanbul's typical traffic.
The wind blew into my face as I pushed the emergency exit door open, revealing the world outside. The voices of honking cars came to ears, Istanbul's typical traffic.
Luka and I walked to the car. The world kept rushing around me in a blur. It was too fast for me.
I stopped for a second, my hand on the car's handle.
I looked around me.
What had happened?!
I was here just moments a go, laughing at how Luka was dancing but now everything seemed grey.
I looked up, at the skies.
But I couldn't see it.
I couldn't see burning bright sun above.
I couldn't see burning bright sun above.
I got into the car and the first thing I did was reach for the radio.
I turned the volume control to it's maximum.
"PLANNING TO LOSE OUR EARDRUMS, ARENT WE?!" Luka asked over the noise.
I leaned my heavy head against the window, squeezing my eyes shut.
We drove off as the voices in my head got louder and louder drowning me.
*
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH." his deafening scream startling me back to present moment.
I woke up sitting up and grabbing the armrest. My heart drumming into my ears.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH." his deafening scream startling me back to present moment.
I woke up sitting up and grabbing the armrest. My heart drumming into my ears.
"Niko' my friend called with a concerned look '*Tamam. It is me. I am going to get us something in case we got hungry later on in the day."
I let out a sigh then leaned back into my seat.
I let out a sigh then leaned back into my seat.
After that I quietly nodded at Luka, before he left the car.
I looked around, it was my area.
I think I fell asleep on the way. The old man with the boy from my night came visiting me again.
I looked at my surroundings, the street, the beach. The same familiar places seemed foreign now.
I think I fell asleep on the way. The old man with the boy from my night came visiting me again.
I looked at my surroundings, the street, the beach. The same familiar places seemed foreign now.
My hometown, Istanbul, felt different to me.
I let out a heavy sigh as I opened my door.
I looked towards the beach that I had at least walked on 500 times. It was around 4 or 5 PM now, I think.
My head was very consumed that I haven't looked at the time for a while now.
I turned my head towards the sun, I closed my eyes and took in the fresh salty breeze in.
After some time I opened my eyes. It was directly in my eyesight.
After some time I opened my eyes. It was directly in my eyesight.
It was her!
A bald man held her arm shouting "WHAT DID I TELL YOU?! YOU CANT HAVE THAT?! I WILL CALL THE POLICE ON YOU."
IT WAS DENIZ!
"Niko look what I got us..." Luka said holding a bag out towards me.
Without much of a thought, I hastily crossed that street.
"NIKOOOOO. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? BE CAREFUL." Luka asked behind me.
Yeah I almost got ran over by two cars. But that was of no importance to me.
In that moment all that mattered was her, Deniz.
In that moment all that mattered was her, Deniz.
I made my way up to Deniz and that bald man.
The man shouted again "YOU LITTLE THIEF...…" shaking her little arm.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEY. TAKE YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF HER." I shouted as I pulled her little arm from his hand, pushing him away.
I pushed her behind me, shielding her out of the old man.
"What is wrong with you?!" He asked me.
I squatted to her level, she looked at me confused and terrified.
"Are you okay?! Deniz you are okay?! Huh answer Niko *abi.' I told her while I looked at her arm looking for any marks 'You are okay now. You are safe. I am here."
"Are you crazy?! She is a filthy little thief...….."
I slowly raised my head, looking above her head. His words sinking in.
Filthy
"What did you say?!" I asked as I slowly stood up and turned around to him.
He did say something back but I didn't hear it.
My vision blurred and my ear rang.
And it went black.
And it went black.
Luka POV:
I sprinted the down the street to the other side, in that exact moment, I saw Niko rushing towards a man. He ran like a lion hunting down it's prey.
I ran towards them.
But I was too late.
But I was too late.
Niko's hands were grabbing the stranger's collars. He started shaking the man, roaring at him. "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HER!"
Niko punched the man, giving him a bloody nose.
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME.' the man tried to break away from Niko's grip 'SHE WAS STEALING FROM ME! RAISE YOUR DAUGHTER WELL, THEN COME SHOUT AT ME."
Oh no!
Niko let go of the man, but only to hit him again.
The man moved a few steps back.
Niko let go of the man, but only to hit him again.
The man moved a few steps back.
Like an angry bull Niko charged at him. Then buttheaded the man on the chest, sending the man crashing backwards.
I finally reached them.
Niko was on top of the man, showering him with a series of punches.
I tried pulling Niko back, but he wouldn't budge.
"HOW DARE YOU?! I WILL KILL YOU. I SWEAR THAT I WILL KILL YOU."
I finally manged to pull, half-carry Niko off the bald man.
He laid there moaning and rolling in pain.
"TRY THINKING ABOUT LAYING ONE FINGER ON HER, AGAIN. AND I WILL KILL YOU. I SWEAR THAT I WILL." Niko threatened, as I pulled him away.
I have no idea how I manged to drag Niko to the car, but I did.
He laid there moaning and rolling in pain.
"TRY THINKING ABOUT LAYING ONE FINGER ON HER, AGAIN. AND I WILL KILL YOU. I SWEAR THAT I WILL." Niko threatened, as I pulled him away.
I have no idea how I manged to drag Niko to the car, but I did.
"I AM FINE." Niko said pushing me off, when we finally reached the car.
We got into the car in silence.
We got into the car in silence.
He spread his finger, flexing and stretching his fingers. He was in pain.
"Here wipe your hand from that blood." I told Niko holding out some tissue.
He nodded at me, silently agreeing as he wiped his knuckles.
I knew my friend well enough, knew when to ask and when to stay put. But that didn't mean I wouldn't make sure he was alright.
"Here wipe your hand from that blood." I told Niko holding out some tissue.
He nodded at me, silently agreeing as he wiped his knuckles.
I knew my friend well enough, knew when to ask and when to stay put. But that didn't mean I wouldn't make sure he was alright.
We drove to his place in complete silence, Niko had his eyes shut and head leaning on his hands.
We finally got to his flat, I handed him some ice and lied about needing to get something from my own house.
I needed to go talk to that man, make sure he wont call the authorities on my friend.
Niko POV:
I sat back on my couch, staring at the ceiling.
I am tired, too tired.
Luka is going back to the man that I just hit. I knew that, but I didn't have it in me to argue with him.
I got up and headed to my room.
I decided to take a nap, till he come back.
I am tired, too tired.
*
I was standing in a bathroom in front of a bathtub.
It overflowing with water.
And blood?!!!!!
Then the light got cut off.
It was dark.
Pitch blackness surrounded me.
I couldn't see a thing.
It was quite.
I felt I will lose my sanity any minute now.
Out of nowhere I was pushed down to my knees with force.
"AAAAHHHHHH." I screamed, I was terrified and in pain.
"YOU FILTHY WORTHLESS BOY." A voice came to me.
It was the old man that visited me in my sleep, every night. I identified him by his voice.
I rolled into my side trying to identify where he was.
I got a kick over my stomach "YOU FILTHY WORHTLESS BOY."
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" I shouted in agony. I pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to protect my stomach.
He kicked my back next.
"HAHAHAHA.' He let out a hysterical laugh 'THEY LEFT YOU BEHIND. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN."
His voice was going all around me, I could never locate his site.
Tears started streaming the side of my face, falling into the hard ground under me.
I felt his breath on my ears as he whispered into my ear "You are a filthy boy that no one will ever love. You are a worthless piece of shit that I hate so much."
I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I saw some light. But someone stood in front of it blocking it away.
"YOU ARE A HEARTLESS MONSTER. I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE YOU."
It was a woman's voice this time. I could only see her figure but not her face.
Then another head appeared, both towering over me yelling together "NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU. YOU WILL DIE ALONE."
"*YAPMA YALVARIRIM, I BEG YOU DONT, PLEASE DONT." I begged at their feet crying.
But they didn't stop.
"We hate you."
They started to laugh in unity declaring between laughs "YOU WILL DIE ALONE. ALL ALONE. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU. SHE LEFT YOU BEHIND...……."
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...…………." I cried arousing myself from sleep.
I let out a loud exhale, trying to calm myself down.
Even though it was just a dream, my body was aching me.
The sun was dimly illuminating my room.
I hastily rummaged into that drawer pulling her picture and pressing into my chest.
"1,2,3,4,5,6...…………." I started.
I laid back calming myself down, watching the sunset.
After some time I left my room.
I was still a bit shaken by that dream.
I felt nauseated.
I walked into my kitchen, Luka had his back to me.
"Oh you are up just in time. *Annem made us some food that I went to pick up." He said.
"I don't feel so good." I said leaning on the kitchen counter opposite to him.
"*Ama she will roast us if you didn't. I can save you from a phone call, but not a an empty plate." He said back winking.
*Hayat Teyzem had a rule, if we are too busy, we must send her a picture of our empty plates.
"Tamam." I replied, I had no energy in me to argue with anyone today.
As we sat down silently to eat, Luka announced "Nur will be coming over, to deliver some paperwork."
"Tamam." I responded.
He stared at me through his fork, grinning "You wont tease me about that."
"*Hayir." I said quietly, picking the last piece of potato on my plate.
I am numbing myself, distancing myself.
"Tamam." Luka said back giving in. He knew when not to push too hard.
"I am done. Do you want me to take your plate with me?!" I said standing up.
"*Yok. I am not done." He said back sighing.
I did as I said, before retrieving into my bedroom. I was still playing the "tired from the trial card" and *çok şükür it was working on him. To be more exact, he was letting me off the hook.
I flopped my exhausted body back on my bed
I fell back into my dark pit.
*
Sign Of Times
I was walking in that dark alley once again, but there was some light ahead of me. I kept walking towards it.
Something appeared a spec.
I picked up my pace, as it turned into a figure, a lady.
It was walking towards me.
I started running towards it.
At last, I reached it.
She stood before me, my angel, my ocean, my home.
"Niko." She said.
Oh how I longed to hear my name from her.
"Say it again." I begged, my eyes tearing up.
"Niko" She said again in a sad tone
"*Ne?! Is there something wrong?!" I asked with a shaking voice.
She looked around me, behind me.
I followed her gaze.
She was looking at that beaten down wet boy.
"*Gel" She said bending down to his level, opening her arms to him.
He ran into her arms, digging his head into her shoulders. He have been waiting for this moment for so long now.
She held him tightly, picking him up.
Now I could see him clearly, he was around the age of seven.
"Where are you taking him?!" I asked.
"I am taking him away from here." She declared as she wiped his crying eyes and planted a kiss on his cheek.
"*Aglama tamam. Stop crying it will be alright."
I think it was my first time in years seeing that boy smiling, ever.
"What about me?!"
"You couldn't take care of him. I am leaving you behind."
"NO. YOU CANT." I shouted.
"It is time for us to leave." She announced.
She turned her back on me and started to walk away from me.
"HAYIR. YOU CANT." I yelled behind them. My eyes started to gloss up.
I started to run behind them.
I felt my heart skipping a beat as I ran as fast as I physically could.
My eyes started to sting from all that built up tear I refused to cry out.
I kept running and running, but no matter how fast I ran I couldn't catch up with them.
"BENI BIRAKMA. DONT LEAVE ME BEHIND"
I kept running and shouting down that endless alley.
But I could never catch up to them.
My legs started to give away.
I was dragging my body across the hard ground.
My first tear surrendered as I fell down to my knees.
That was it.
"*YAPMAAAAA. BENI BIRAKMA. *YALVARIYORUM. DONT LEAVE ME BEIND, I BEG YOU DONT. DONT LEAVE ME."
I stood up again and I fell straight back on my knees.
I tried to get up again. I fell back down, this time on my hands.
I grabbed the side of my legs, I was in so much pain.
But what I felt in that moment took over any physical pain I was enduring.
She turned around to me one last time, she looked down at me.
At this point I was on all four and I started crawling to her.
I pushed myself of the ground using my arms, I managed to stand up. I looked up at her smiling at my little success, she smiled back.
But that victory was short lived as I came crashing down into my chest, even my arms couldn't hold me up now.
My whole body was paralyzed now.
She crooked her head to the side, giving me a warm loving look.
She finally said "*Ben seni cok seviyorum. Don't forget me."
I managed to outstretch a pleading arm to her.
Then I started shouting "YAAPMAAAAAAAAAA. ANNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMM"
*
"ANNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMM"
I shouted, sitting up.
My lips trembled as my body shook vigorously.
My heart was galloping, about to beat out of my chest.
I looked under my flop of messy hair at the darkness around me.
I jumped of the bed and yanked the bedside table's drawer out.
I took out the frame and threw the drawer to the side.
"YOU CANT LEAVE ME BEHIND AGAIN."
I ran into my bathroom door, clinching to the frame as hard as I could.
I entered the password and ran into my bathroom.
I stood in there holding the frame with both hands. Then I started to yell "I WONT LET. YOU CANT LEAVE ME AGAIN. I DONT ALLOW YOU."
I threw the frame at the wall with all the strength that I could master, sending the glass exploding everywhere.
The picture laid there, she looking at me horizontally against the wall.
I ran towards the picture, bending down and shouting at her "I WONT ALLOW IT."
I walked over to my shower and started the water.
I immersed my body under the cold running water.
I tried to hang on, as my head started to spin.
I placed my arm leaning against the glass shower box. My legs started to shake dropping me down. I tried to hang on, but my wet hands slipped down the glass shower box.
I fell into my right side.
I couldn't hear the running water anymore.
At last he came into sight, the old man
"FILTHY WORTHLESS BOY." He shouted as he started to kick me.
His voice filling me up.
"SHE LEFT YOU BEHIND, BECAUSE SHE NEVER LOVED YOU."
I laid there against the cold hard wet ground as he kept announcing that over and over again.
He kicked me once again.
I let out a little moan.
"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CRYING?" He shouted angrily before kicking my head.
"SHE LEFT YOU BEHIND, BECAUSE SHE NEVER LOVED YOU."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
Luka POV:
I was walking back with Nur, she lost the building. She never came to Niko's apartment.
I know weird.
But Niko doesn't like to have anyone near his place, including his secretary. Plus, I am the only one who can put up with him really.
I opened the apartment door and walked inside.
I opened the door to Nur then welcomed her in "Welcome Nur....."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." A shout came, making my head snap into it's direction, Niko's room.
I ran into his room then stopped at the door frame, blocking Nur out "*SAKIN" I threatened.
"Wait outside." I demanded.
I walked into his room.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH. YAPMA." Niko screamed again.
I tried opening the door, but then remembered it had a password.
In that moment, my brain froze, I couldn't recall what it was.
HADI LUKA. WHAT WAS IT?
"0112" WRONG
"0102" and the door opened.
The first thing that caught my eyesight was her pictures. It laid against the wall. Glass covered the floor along with specs of blood, up to shower box.
There he laid, on the shower's floor.
Niko laid down in a fetal position, his arm shielding his face away. The water ran over his head, and the floor was covered by a weak stream of his blood. He was bleeding from his feet.
He started to smack his head with hands, saying "*Ben kötü değilim. I am not a bad person, I am not. She loved me. YOU ARE ONLY IN MY HEAD. LEAVE ME ALONE"
I ran to his side and started shouting "NIKO, NIKO. ABIM."
I pulled his hands off his face then pulled him up to a sitting position.
I pushed his wet hair off his face then lifted his chin to me.
I grabbed the sides of his face then looked down at his eyes as I said "*SEN BENIM ABIMSIN. YOU ARE MY BROTHER, I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. YOU SAVED MY LIFE MANY, MANY TIMES. YOU LOVE MY MOTHER LIKE YOUR OWN. YOU PROTECT KIDS THAT YOU DONT KNOW FROM CRUEL STRANGER. SEN BENIM ABIMSIN AND I LOVE YOU THE MOST."
His eyes looked at me, tears and misery filling them. Seeing him like this broke me.
I pulled him into my chest as I shouted from the top of my lungs "SEN BENIM ABIMSIN. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON"
I kept shouting over and over again "SHE LOVED YOU. YOUR MOM LOVED YOU. SHE NEVER WANTED TO LEAVE YOU."
His face was pressed against my chest, my heart. His tears soaking the front of my shirt, and his weak body shaking between my arms.
I kept rocking him. I kept running my hand through his wet hair, while the other rubbed his back. I placed a kiss over his head as I whispered "I love you abim, I love you the most."
I just stayed there and let him weep for as long as he needed.
He calmed down slightly.
He reached for my arm holding it tightly. Then he saied between sobs "I am not a bad person."
His heavy sighs filling my eyes, as I felt his heart trembling behind his ribs.
"Tamam. Shhhhhhhhhhh. Tamam." I said trying to calm him. I pressed his face back into my chest, to make sure he wont see me crying.
I need to be strong for my brother
"Please make it stop. It is hurts. Make it stop. " He begged as he let out a little moan.
"I will make it stop, I promise."
I started to cry myself at his state.
We sat there for some time.
He kept asking me to make it stop and I promising him to do so.
"Bring her to me." He said pointing at his mother's photo.
"Tamam ama we are leaving the bathroom."
I walked over picked up the photo from in-between the glass.
I made a mind note to fix the old frame for him.
Then I walked over to him.
Niko already had his hands outstretched, he grabbed the photo and then pressed it to his chest.
We left that bathroom, after I pushed some of the glass away with my foot. I still had my shoes on.
I placed Niko carefully on the bed.
And like a child I took care of him.
I pealed away hit wet clothes then dried his body.
I pulled a blouse over his flops of hair.
I looked away when it was the turn for his underwear and pants.
He laid back into his bed with his mother pressed against his heart.
I left the room and gave Nur some urgent orders. I told her not to ask me any questions now and she silently obliged.
She left and I called my mom before walking back into Niko's room.
In utter silence, I packed him a light bag while he held her against his chest.
George Ezra- Coat Of Armour
We finally walked out to the car and drove to my house.
Niko leaned his heavy head against the window. I looked over my arm, watching how Istanbul's reflected on my friend's face.
I reached over and squeezed his shoulder. He looked at me, smiling weakly trying to make me feel easier.
We both know what about to come is inevitable.
*
We stood there waiting for my mom to open the door. I stood by his side, carrying his bag.
The door opened and my mom came into sight.
"*Oğlum." she said in a soft voice.
He propelled his body towards her and he broke down weeping into her arms.
"AAAAHHHHHHH." he sobbed into her shoulders. He cried like a little broken boy.
He started to shake between her arms.
I looked away as my own tears came streaming down my face.
My mother outstretched a hand to me.
I looked at her crying then shaking my head. Then I went on to hold my shaking friend with her.
We stayed there for some time before going in.
*
Niko laid there one hand pressing his mother into his chest while the other holding my mom.
I had my arms wrapping around his back, holding him.
It was just like our first night together at that house.
He was silently crying at this point.
"Annem. Annem." Niko kept saying till he finally dozed off.
*
I stood there watching my friend walk off.
Niko suddenly stopped in his tracks, fisting his hands.
And just when he was about to turn his head over his shoulder.
I turned my body in the other direction.
I started walking away.
I didn't have it in me to watch my friend's departure.
Farewell my friend, my brother, Niko.
------------------------------------
*Turkish Words
*Sonra - Later
*Hadi - Come on
*Gel - Come
*Tamam - Ok
*Abi - Brother
*Yapma - Don't
*Yalvaririm - I beg
* Annem - My mother
* Ama - But
*Hayat Teyzem - Hayat aunt
* Hayir - No
*Yok - No
*çok şükür - Thank God
*Ne - What
*Aglama Tamam - Do not cry
*Beni Birakma - Do not leave me
*Yalvariyorum - I beg
*Ben seni cok seviyorum - I love you so much
*Annem - My mother
* Sakin - Quiet
*Ben kötü değilim. - I am not bad
* Sen benim Abimsin - You are my brother
*Oğlum - Son
I am writing this in tears.
This is not the end, but Niko and Luka broke me.
Sending you all my love and lots of tissue boxes.
We finally got to his flat, I handed him some ice and lied about needing to get something from my own house.
I needed to go talk to that man, make sure he wont call the authorities on my friend.
Niko POV:
I sat back on my couch, staring at the ceiling.
I am tired, too tired.
Luka is going back to the man that I just hit. I knew that, but I didn't have it in me to argue with him.
I got up and headed to my room.
I decided to take a nap, till he come back.
I am tired, too tired.
*
I was standing in a bathroom in front of a bathtub.
It overflowing with water.
And blood?!!!!!
Then the light got cut off.
It was dark.
Pitch blackness surrounded me.
I couldn't see a thing.
It was quite.
I felt I will lose my sanity any minute now.
Out of nowhere I was pushed down to my knees with force.
"AAAAHHHHHH." I screamed, I was terrified and in pain.
"YOU FILTHY WORTHLESS BOY." A voice came to me.
It was the old man that visited me in my sleep, every night. I identified him by his voice.
I rolled into my side trying to identify where he was.
I got a kick over my stomach "YOU FILTHY WORHTLESS BOY."
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" I shouted in agony. I pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to protect my stomach.
He kicked my back next.
"HAHAHAHA.' He let out a hysterical laugh 'THEY LEFT YOU BEHIND. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN."
His voice was going all around me, I could never locate his site.
Tears started streaming the side of my face, falling into the hard ground under me.
I felt his breath on my ears as he whispered into my ear "You are a filthy boy that no one will ever love. You are a worthless piece of shit that I hate so much."
I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I saw some light. But someone stood in front of it blocking it away.
"YOU ARE A HEARTLESS MONSTER. I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE YOU."
It was a woman's voice this time. I could only see her figure but not her face.
Then another head appeared, both towering over me yelling together "NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU. YOU WILL DIE ALONE."
"*YAPMA YALVARIRIM, I BEG YOU DONT, PLEASE DONT." I begged at their feet crying.
But they didn't stop.
"We hate you."
They started to laugh in unity declaring between laughs "YOU WILL DIE ALONE. ALL ALONE. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU. SHE LEFT YOU BEHIND...……."
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...…………." I cried arousing myself from sleep.
I let out a loud exhale, trying to calm myself down.
Even though it was just a dream, my body was aching me.
The sun was dimly illuminating my room.
I hastily rummaged into that drawer pulling her picture and pressing into my chest.
"1,2,3,4,5,6...…………." I started.
I laid back calming myself down, watching the sunset.
After some time I left my room.
I was still a bit shaken by that dream.
I felt nauseated.
I walked into my kitchen, Luka had his back to me.
"Oh you are up just in time. *Annem made us some food that I went to pick up." He said.
"I don't feel so good." I said leaning on the kitchen counter opposite to him.
"*Ama she will roast us if you didn't. I can save you from a phone call, but not a an empty plate." He said back winking.
*Hayat Teyzem had a rule, if we are too busy, we must send her a picture of our empty plates.
"Tamam." I replied, I had no energy in me to argue with anyone today.
As we sat down silently to eat, Luka announced "Nur will be coming over, to deliver some paperwork."
"Tamam." I responded.
He stared at me through his fork, grinning "You wont tease me about that."
"*Hayir." I said quietly, picking the last piece of potato on my plate.
I am numbing myself, distancing myself.
"Tamam." Luka said back giving in. He knew when not to push too hard.
"I am done. Do you want me to take your plate with me?!" I said standing up.
"*Yok. I am not done." He said back sighing.
I did as I said, before retrieving into my bedroom. I was still playing the "tired from the trial card" and *çok şükür it was working on him. To be more exact, he was letting me off the hook.
I flopped my exhausted body back on my bed
I fell back into my dark pit.
*
Sign Of Times
I was walking in that dark alley once again, but there was some light ahead of me. I kept walking towards it.
Something appeared a spec.
I picked up my pace, as it turned into a figure, a lady.
It was walking towards me.
I started running towards it.
At last, I reached it.
She stood before me, my angel, my ocean, my home.
"Niko." She said.
Oh how I longed to hear my name from her.
"Say it again." I begged, my eyes tearing up.
"Niko" She said again in a sad tone
"*Ne?! Is there something wrong?!" I asked with a shaking voice.
She looked around me, behind me.
I followed her gaze.
She was looking at that beaten down wet boy.
"*Gel" She said bending down to his level, opening her arms to him.
He ran into her arms, digging his head into her shoulders. He have been waiting for this moment for so long now.
She held him tightly, picking him up.
Now I could see him clearly, he was around the age of seven.
"Where are you taking him?!" I asked.
"I am taking him away from here." She declared as she wiped his crying eyes and planted a kiss on his cheek.
"*Aglama tamam. Stop crying it will be alright."
I think it was my first time in years seeing that boy smiling, ever.
"What about me?!"
"You couldn't take care of him. I am leaving you behind."
"NO. YOU CANT." I shouted.
"It is time for us to leave." She announced.
She turned her back on me and started to walk away from me.
"HAYIR. YOU CANT." I yelled behind them. My eyes started to gloss up.
I started to run behind them.
I felt my heart skipping a beat as I ran as fast as I physically could.
My eyes started to sting from all that built up tear I refused to cry out.
I kept running and running, but no matter how fast I ran I couldn't catch up with them.
"BENI BIRAKMA. DONT LEAVE ME BEHIND"
I kept running and shouting down that endless alley.
But I could never catch up to them.
My legs started to give away.
I was dragging my body across the hard ground.
My first tear surrendered as I fell down to my knees.
That was it.
"*YAPMAAAAA. BENI BIRAKMA. *YALVARIYORUM. DONT LEAVE ME BEIND, I BEG YOU DONT. DONT LEAVE ME."
I stood up again and I fell straight back on my knees.
I tried to get up again. I fell back down, this time on my hands.
I grabbed the side of my legs, I was in so much pain.
But what I felt in that moment took over any physical pain I was enduring.
She turned around to me one last time, she looked down at me.
At this point I was on all four and I started crawling to her.
I pushed myself of the ground using my arms, I managed to stand up. I looked up at her smiling at my little success, she smiled back.
But that victory was short lived as I came crashing down into my chest, even my arms couldn't hold me up now.
My whole body was paralyzed now.
She crooked her head to the side, giving me a warm loving look.
She finally said "*Ben seni cok seviyorum. Don't forget me."
I managed to outstretch a pleading arm to her.
Then I started shouting "YAAPMAAAAAAAAAA. ANNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMM"
*
"ANNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMM"
I shouted, sitting up.
My lips trembled as my body shook vigorously.
My heart was galloping, about to beat out of my chest.
I looked under my flop of messy hair at the darkness around me.
I jumped of the bed and yanked the bedside table's drawer out.
I took out the frame and threw the drawer to the side.
"YOU CANT LEAVE ME BEHIND AGAIN."
I ran into my bathroom door, clinching to the frame as hard as I could.
I entered the password and ran into my bathroom.
I stood in there holding the frame with both hands. Then I started to yell "I WONT LET. YOU CANT LEAVE ME AGAIN. I DONT ALLOW YOU."
I threw the frame at the wall with all the strength that I could master, sending the glass exploding everywhere.
The picture laid there, she looking at me horizontally against the wall.
I ran towards the picture, bending down and shouting at her "I WONT ALLOW IT."
I walked over to my shower and started the water.
I immersed my body under the cold running water.
I tried to hang on, as my head started to spin.
I placed my arm leaning against the glass shower box. My legs started to shake dropping me down. I tried to hang on, but my wet hands slipped down the glass shower box.
I fell into my right side.
I couldn't hear the running water anymore.
At last he came into sight, the old man
"FILTHY WORTHLESS BOY." He shouted as he started to kick me.
His voice filling me up.
"SHE LEFT YOU BEHIND, BECAUSE SHE NEVER LOVED YOU."
I laid there against the cold hard wet ground as he kept announcing that over and over again.
He kicked me once again.
I let out a little moan.
"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CRYING?" He shouted angrily before kicking my head.
"SHE LEFT YOU BEHIND, BECAUSE SHE NEVER LOVED YOU."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
Luka POV:
I was walking back with Nur, she lost the building. She never came to Niko's apartment.
I know weird.
But Niko doesn't like to have anyone near his place, including his secretary. Plus, I am the only one who can put up with him really.
I opened the apartment door and walked inside.
I opened the door to Nur then welcomed her in "Welcome Nur....."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." A shout came, making my head snap into it's direction, Niko's room.
I ran into his room then stopped at the door frame, blocking Nur out "*SAKIN" I threatened.
"Wait outside." I demanded.
I walked into his room.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH. YAPMA." Niko screamed again.
I tried opening the door, but then remembered it had a password.
In that moment, my brain froze, I couldn't recall what it was.
HADI LUKA. WHAT WAS IT?
"0112" WRONG
"0102" and the door opened.
The first thing that caught my eyesight was her pictures. It laid against the wall. Glass covered the floor along with specs of blood, up to shower box.
There he laid, on the shower's floor.
Niko laid down in a fetal position, his arm shielding his face away. The water ran over his head, and the floor was covered by a weak stream of his blood. He was bleeding from his feet.
He started to smack his head with hands, saying "*Ben kötü değilim. I am not a bad person, I am not. She loved me. YOU ARE ONLY IN MY HEAD. LEAVE ME ALONE"
I ran to his side and started shouting "NIKO, NIKO. ABIM."
I pulled his hands off his face then pulled him up to a sitting position.
I pushed his wet hair off his face then lifted his chin to me.
I grabbed the sides of his face then looked down at his eyes as I said "*SEN BENIM ABIMSIN. YOU ARE MY BROTHER, I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON. YOU SAVED MY LIFE MANY, MANY TIMES. YOU LOVE MY MOTHER LIKE YOUR OWN. YOU PROTECT KIDS THAT YOU DONT KNOW FROM CRUEL STRANGER. SEN BENIM ABIMSIN AND I LOVE YOU THE MOST."
His eyes looked at me, tears and misery filling them. Seeing him like this broke me.
I pulled him into my chest as I shouted from the top of my lungs "SEN BENIM ABIMSIN. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON"
I kept shouting over and over again "SHE LOVED YOU. YOUR MOM LOVED YOU. SHE NEVER WANTED TO LEAVE YOU."
His face was pressed against my chest, my heart. His tears soaking the front of my shirt, and his weak body shaking between my arms.
I kept rocking him. I kept running my hand through his wet hair, while the other rubbed his back. I placed a kiss over his head as I whispered "I love you abim, I love you the most."
I just stayed there and let him weep for as long as he needed.
He calmed down slightly.
He reached for my arm holding it tightly. Then he saied between sobs "I am not a bad person."
His heavy sighs filling my eyes, as I felt his heart trembling behind his ribs.
"You are not. You are my brother that I love most in the world."
He looked up at me with a look that made my heart ache. His eyes were full of agony, misery, and helplessness.
"Please make it stop. It is hurts. Make it stop." He begged between sighs."Tamam. Shhhhhhhhhhh. Tamam." I said trying to calm him. I pressed his face back into my chest, to make sure he wont see me crying.
I need to be strong for my brother
"Please make it stop. It is hurts. Make it stop. " He begged as he let out a little moan.
"I will make it stop, I promise."
I started to cry myself at his state.
We sat there for some time.
He kept asking me to make it stop and I promising him to do so.
"Bring her to me." He said pointing at his mother's photo.
"Tamam ama we are leaving the bathroom."
I walked over picked up the photo from in-between the glass.
I made a mind note to fix the old frame for him.
Then I walked over to him.
Niko already had his hands outstretched, he grabbed the photo and then pressed it to his chest.
We left that bathroom, after I pushed some of the glass away with my foot. I still had my shoes on.
I placed Niko carefully on the bed.
And like a child I took care of him.
I pealed away hit wet clothes then dried his body.
I pulled a blouse over his flops of hair.
I looked away when it was the turn for his underwear and pants.
He laid back into his bed with his mother pressed against his heart.
I left the room and gave Nur some urgent orders. I told her not to ask me any questions now and she silently obliged.
She left and I called my mom before walking back into Niko's room.
In utter silence, I packed him a light bag while he held her against his chest.
George Ezra- Coat Of Armour
We finally walked out to the car and drove to my house.
Niko leaned his heavy head against the window. I looked over my arm, watching how Istanbul's reflected on my friend's face.
I reached over and squeezed his shoulder. He looked at me, smiling weakly trying to make me feel easier.
We both know what about to come is inevitable.
*
We stood there waiting for my mom to open the door. I stood by his side, carrying his bag.
The door opened and my mom came into sight.
"*Oğlum." she said in a soft voice.
He propelled his body towards her and he broke down weeping into her arms.
"AAAAHHHHHHH." he sobbed into her shoulders. He cried like a little broken boy.
He started to shake between her arms.
I looked away as my own tears came streaming down my face.
My mother outstretched a hand to me.
I looked at her crying then shaking my head. Then I went on to hold my shaking friend with her.
We stayed there for some time before going in.
*
Niko laid there one hand pressing his mother into his chest while the other holding my mom.
I had my arms wrapping around his back, holding him.
It was just like our first night together at that house.
He was silently crying at this point.
"Annem. Annem." Niko kept saying till he finally dozed off.
*
I stood there watching my friend walk off.
Niko suddenly stopped in his tracks, fisting his hands.
And just when he was about to turn his head over his shoulder.
I turned my body in the other direction.
I started walking away.
I didn't have it in me to watch my friend's departure.
Farewell my friend, my brother, Niko.
------------------------------------
*Turkish Words
*Sonra - Later
*Hadi - Come on
*Gel - Come
*Tamam - Ok
*Abi - Brother
*Yapma - Don't
*Yalvaririm - I beg
* Annem - My mother
* Ama - But
*Hayat Teyzem - Hayat aunt
* Hayir - No
*Yok - No
*çok şükür - Thank God
*Ne - What
*Aglama Tamam - Do not cry
*Beni Birakma - Do not leave me
*Yalvariyorum - I beg
*Ben seni cok seviyorum - I love you so much
*Annem - My mother
* Sakin - Quiet
*Ben kötü değilim. - I am not bad
* Sen benim Abimsin - You are my brother
*Oğlum - Son
I am writing this in tears.
This is not the end, but Niko and Luka broke me.
Sending you all my love and lots of tissue boxes.
No comments:
Post a Comment