I missed you all and my JaNiko.
The truth is the past 2 weeks have been hard, all because I let a temporary unimportant toxic person get to my head and wreck my days.
Anyways they are gone now and forever I hope.
Let us dive back into our story.
I wish I could serve some hot coffee/coco and a blanket near a fireplace and whisper into your ears my story.
Chapter 33: Moonless Night
I fixated my gaze on the table, watching how his long slim fingers slide along the wooden table as he got up.
I dare not lift my gaze.
"*Oğlum nereye?!" I heard the old restaurant owner asking.
I sneaked a look in his direction.
Nikola stood there with his back to me. He pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, propelling his shoulders slightly forwards, a sign of despair.
*Aptal, *ne yaptım sen Janu?! APTAL.
"I need to make a call." He replied in a weak voice, before walking ahead.
I watched as he pushed down the door's handle, his head hung low as he walked out of sight.
Nepten *ben?!
"You fought with him, didn't you?!" The old lady asked me. "Ha?!..*.Yok."
She placed the plates on the table before saying "Well it is normal for any couple to fight."
Couple?!
"I think I broke him this time." I said looking away.
The old lady sat down "Hmm Let me guess. He is trying to protect you, but you won't let him."
My head snapped in her direction, shocked by her statement.
"How? How did you know?!"
"*Kizim I was married for 40 years and I lost my own husband 3 years ago. Now that doesn't matter' she waved her hand around 'let us concentrate on yours instead."
Hmm. Is she implying that Nikola is my husband?!
"*Bak men are different, too different from how we are. They perceive and process thing in a different manner than we do. They always look with a cautious eye, worried and afraid. And by the looks of it, he loves you so much, to the limit that he didn't argue back with you. He didn't want to break you to prove himself right. You remind me of how I was once, stubborn too stubborn. And I married a man who himslef is that way too."
"What shall I do then?!"
I ignored how she was implying that Nikola is my husband and decided to concentrate how to fix what I have just done.
"You already know the answer to that question. You already know the way to his heart."
She said getting up to her feet.
"Ama.... *Bedaka."
But she already had left me at the table to my thoughts.
I let out a deep breath "What shall I do?!"
*
Nikola POV:
I walked out the restaurant without a destination, I walked ahead till I found myself standing by the restaurant's gates.
I leaned against the wooden fence facing my car.
Finally, I closed my eyes recalling that time.
(A year ago March, 21st 2018)
"So tell me how does this day make you feel?!" My therapist asked pouring me a cup of tea.
"Happy mother's day to you first of all."
"Thank you.' She said back smiling 'Now answer my question."
She walked towards me, before placing the cup on the table in front of me.
"The day didn't weigh when I was growing up. My mother and I never celebrated it. You can assume I never got the chance, but it isn't like that. My mother didn't care for such days. She raised me to celebrate my loved ones daily. In the short period that I had with her, she woke me up and tucked me into my bed with love, and lots of it. I am a lucky I tasted what love is, I had her and I still do."
I picked up my cup from the table before adding "It is just another day that reminds me she isn't here. Yes, she isn't here, but she is in my heart. And to me that matters the most."
"Nikola…...
I walked up to the door, without looking back at her I pulled the door open "Happy mother's day to you. Go home, give your kids the memories so they can hang onto them for a lifetime. I am alright and I will be."
I sat on the single bed in "my room" in the rehabilitation center.
I leaned back into the bed, letting the mattress support me.
I looked over at the bedside table, I looked at her. I let out a small laugh as I starred at her in an upside down manner.
"Happy mother's day to you. You are here with me every step of the way. I miss you *annem. I love you with all the love that I could ever behold in me."
I pulled out my phone, to call Hayat *teyzem for the second time today. The perks of having a lot of free time at hands.
I looked over at the time before hitting the dial button.
"Oh she must be asleep right now."
It was quite late in Istanbul.
I exited the phone log and started scrolling through my phone. I decided to open the browser and there was the only Instagram account I was keeping an eye on.
The only person I kept an eye on really.
And there I saw it.
A picture of the sunset with the caption "Happy mother's day to every mother on earth, including mine."
The same sunset was overlooking the same beach I drove across to drop that black file on that dreadful day.
I let out a heavy sigh, and there popped a new post.
A moonless dark night with the caption "Another reminder that I am not in your life anymore. Like the moon tonight, you are not illuminating me. You drew a heavy black curtain between you and I, and I can't reflect your light. You have doomed me into the darkness. Happy mother's day to you."
I swallowed hard as those heavy words settled into my heart.
"Janu" I whispered her name to myself.
*
"Janu." I whispered her name to myself before opening my eyes.
The sun reflected on Luka's car's hood, blinding me and knocking me back to my senses.
"Oh Janu." I said looking over my shoulder.
I walked hastily back.
I pulled the door with all my strength, making the hinges squeak in the process.
I bit down on my lip at the sight in front of me.
Janu was sitting with her hands on her lap smacking her lips together. She was in deep thoughts that even my grand entrance didn't startle her.
The old lady came running to me, she was about to say something but I put a hand up, motioning towards Janu.
"Ssshhhhhh. *Bende." I winked at her.
"*Tamam." she whispered back, smiling.
I watched her, how she softly blinked as she kept her head low.
I smirked to myself.
My guess you are thinking of a way to make it up to me.
I took a few steps back to our table, I kept my eyes on her as I slowly sat down.
But still she didn't budge at my resurfacing.
"Teyzem can you bring me some pickles?!" I called as I grabbed a spoon and started digging into the untouched dishes on the table.
Just in time, she snapped out of her thoughts looking at me but I lowered my gaze to the dolma on the table.
But even with my eyes not looking at her, I just knew she was looking with widened shocked eyes.
"Eat up I will be leaving soon. I am going somewhere before leaving this village." I ordered without looking at her.
I cant believe that this we are closer to the end of the year.
I have been having JaNiko and most importantly your love and support.
I hope this year brings you happiness and all the dreams you are chasing.
Sending you all my love.
--------------------------------------------
Oğlum neresi where son
Aptal stupid
ne yaptım what i did
sen you
--------------------------------------------
Oğlum neresi where son
Aptal stupid
ne yaptım what i did
sen you
yok no way
teyzem my dear aunt
kizim my daughter
ama but
bedaka one minute
annem my mother
bende so do i
Tamam okay
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